Avoid loneliness. Cherish solitude.
While one can be detrimental to our health and well-being, the other can be nourishing and enriching.
When I was 17, I spent one year in Tokyo.
What a place! A different planet, where you are constantly reminded that you don’t yet belong.
Back then, I was working as a model, and it was one of the most exciting adventures in that chapter of my life. Yet, it was the most lonely chapter.
Technically I was with people all the time. In reality, I was completely alone, and only a few people would notice my absence. That loneliness did have a destructive effect on my mental health, worsening symptoms of an eating disorder.
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Last August, I spent one week in a silent retreat with 50 others.
We shared space and schedule, but each of us chose to be there to train the muscle of being 1–1 with our thoughts and emotions.
That week was the most nourishing time I had in a while. I cherished solitude and never felt lonely.
Here are a few tips on inviting enriching solitude into your life:
- Schedule time with yourself. Book it in your calendar. Start small. 10 minutes.
- Eliminate distractions.
- Permit yourself to have this time to intentionally decompress.
- Invite self-compassion, especially if you notice that you are judgmental towards yourself.
- Trust that this time is a powerful tool for your well-being which will have a ripple effect on your performance and relationships.
- Be aware that it might feel uncomfortable. This is a sign that you are building a new mental muscle.
Things you could do in your solitude time:
- Journal
- Take a walk
- Take a day trip alone
- Take a long weekend trip alone
- Sign up for an online retreat to have more guidance and support
- Do anything alone, as a choice with an attitude to spend this time with yourself only.
I will finish with a quote that I believe is relevant in our times:
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone” — Blaise Pascal.
